Roller Coaster

In high school, I sang in the youth choir at my church.  One summer our musical was called "The Ride" and one song from it had the line "This roller coaster ride of life, spins you 'round and up and down."  That's how I feel right now.  My emotions are all over the place.  When people REALLY ask how I'm doing, I usually tell them, "Well, today was a good day."  I can't go more than about 4-5 days without having some sort of break-down.

Don't worry, mom, nothing has happened.  No one has made fun of my "y'all's" and the church still likes to hear Jason preach and we haven't been attacked by a bear (which could really happen up here!) and the boys really are adjusting wonderfully.  No, I'm just homesick.  My family and friends, our house, Chick-fil-A, the weather, our dog & cat, the familiar ins and outs of our old life.  Some days I feel like I can't breathe & just want to hop on the next flight out of here.  Today has been one of those days.

I'm not trying to throw myself a pity party (o.k., well maybe I am), but this is my life right now.  This is the time that I've been dreading.  I know I'll be fine (eventually) and I will love living here and have a gaggle of girlfriends to be silly with again. But it's the right now, the weeks-months-years(!), until I get to that point that I hate.

So even though I don't feel happy or thankful or blessed, I know I really am.  And to remind myself how great I really do have it, here's my "thankful for" list tonight:

• the moon.  Because it's cloudy here so much & the days are so long, I really haven't seen it much.
• Starbucks.  I still haven't learned to like coffee yet (sorry Ashley), but since I'm only 5 minutes from one (two actually) and they have FREE WIFI, it gives me a place to be alone & escape to.  We still don't have internet & that's been really hard for me.
• the weather.  We've had 2-3 days in a row without rain, so it's been really nice.  I actually wore shorts today.  And everytime someone back home tells me it's 105, I'm reminded how great this weather really is.
• Jesus.  That seems like a "Sunday School" answer, but it's not meant to be.  I don't "feel" God close to me right now & I don't "love" going to church and I don't "want" to read my Bible, but I KNOW that He hasn't given up on me and that He has a purpose for us here, even though I don't understand it.

Since Starbucks is going to kick me out soon, I guess I better wrap it up.  I could blog for hours & hours. I have so much saved up to tell you about, but I know I'll eventually have time to write it out.  Thank you so much to everyone that has texted me, sent me mail, prayed for us, called & put up with me on this roller coaster ride that I'm currently one.  Just let me know when it finally stops.  I can't wait to get off.