Irreplacable

Today is my grandmother's Murr's funeral.  When I got dressed this morning, I automatically put on my funeral clothes.  Even though I can't be there, it just felt right to do so.  I'm not at the funeral by choice & by circumstance.  I could have begged, borrowed or stolen the money for the airfare, but having the stomach flu this weekend sealed the deal on the decision I knew was best. 

My last picture with Murr

Like most in this situation, I am overwhelmed with grief.  I feel like I can hardly breathe.  But at the same time, I am so thankful.  Thankful that:

• My grandmother is a Christian.  I don't have to worry about where she will spend her eternity.  What a blessing!!
• I got to spend three glorious nights with her.  We didn't plan our Christmas trip to TN as such, but God did.  I got to spend one terrifying night with her at the hospital & 2 nights at hospice with her.  She was awake, alert, coherent & talkative with me during some of that time.
• I had 35 wonderful years with her.  I know that I am blessed more than most with the time I got to spend with her.
• She died rather quickly.  I know she didn't feel like it at the end, but she spent less than 2 weeks in the hospital/hospice, which really is a blink of the eye.  She didn't have cancer, Alzheimer's or a dozen other things that so many have faced.

The boys' response to her death has been interesting.  Luke simply said, "O.K." when I told him.  In all fairness, though, he and Jason did have some deep discussions about heaven & Christianity later on.  Jonah gasped when I told him & said, "So now it's just Grandpa?"  He also had a ton of questions about eternity.  Gideon's response was:  "Awww. (pause)  Maybe I can get another one."  No, my sweet, we can't.

And that's one thing that I've gotten out of this week.  I want to be irreplaceable, too.  Don't you?  I want people to think I was the best mommy, wife, daughter, friend, neighbor, whatever, so that there will never be a replacement.  I want to live bigger, be nicer, smile more, be friendlier, more serving, so that my presence will be known to others.

One of my favorite pictures of my irreplaceable Murr & my mom, spring 2010

When I asked Murr Sunday night what her favorite Bible verse is, she shared these two with me:

"...in all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your make your paths straight."  Proverbs 3:6

"A merry heart doeth good like a medicine: but a broken spirit dries the bones."  Proverbs 17:22

And, indeed, HER merry heart did just that.