I have to be honest. As I read through Janna's thoughts last fall, I kept thinking "Whew! I'm glad that's not me." Realizing everything she was going through made me hug my boys a little tighter & pray a little longer, but I still was just thankful that something like that wasn't happening to me.
Maybe that's how you feel about our move. "Whew! I'm glad that's not me." I'm glad it's not you, too. I know I'm allowed to feel frustrated, tired, grumpy, moody, anxious, etc., etc., but I don't like being here. All I can think about is sleep & chocolate (or eating chocolate in bed). The compilation of all the projects, packing, sorting, etc. is just overwhelming. I'm not writing this to invite a pity party on my behalf of myself, but just to be honest with you (and me) through this process.
So if you're having a "terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day", just remember that "some days are like that, even in Australia." (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p09_ULvFBlA).
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| (Thanks Ang & Sarah & Krista for reminding me that it's all going to be o.k.) |
Hi Melissa, so I just need to say that I admire your transparancy and honesty. I've journaled most my life in away to process my thoughts and emotions.
ReplyDeleteA few years ago, I was journaling during a very painful season in my life, (I didn't know how to blog then)...It was during a time that my daughter was in rebellion, and making choices that threatend her life. It was a horrible few years, days that I didn't know if she were dead or alive.
During that time, my mother had just past away at the age of 57, our church was in an up heaval, and when I turned to some friends..some of them turned out to be friends like Job in the bible. Our marriage was falling apart..
I look back at that time, and the one thing I can say that came out of it, was that it really taught me how to pray, I mean really pray. God had literally removed everything else in my life. Some of those things He removed, had become idols in my life, and I think for me, He was putting me in a place of total dependence on Him.
I was an emotional wreck. For days I would be just flat on the floor, crying and pleading my heart to Him, but that is where He met me, and I could just be real with Him.
I look back on those days, and although I wouldn't want to go back..I can see what He was doing..and now see the fruit He was producing in me.
Journaling for me is very healing..It seems that I can write out my thoughts and feelings far better than trying to verbalize..but I have always loved to write. I admire Christians who are honest and transparent..it is so needed in the church today. I hear so much Christianese..and I just want to hear honesty..so thanks for sharing your journey with us..I think it will help some of us to feel safer in sharing our true self.
I so agree with Teri. It is so nice to have you be who you are.
ReplyDeleteBeing that most of us are older, we can relate to struggling and appreciate what you are going through. We know it isn't always easy to be a wife or a mom and we will be praying for you. We very much do not deserve the gift of the Smiths that God has so generously bestowed upon us. But we can trust that He will bless you for the sacrifice you are making.
Kathleen
One of my all-time favorite books! That and "Ferdinand the Bull." :)
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